I had a rough moment with first-born yesterday during our short math session. I was trying to explain something to him and his attitude got in the way so much he couldn't hear what I was saying and I couldn't get passed his attitude.
Where did the attitude come from? Are you angry at me for trying to teach you? Are you angry just because you can be angry? Are you irritated because you don't feel like learning today? Whatever his reason was, it made me angry. I tried to explain to him that Mama wasn't always saved and I have a lot of mess covered up that can easily surface, so in other words...don't take me there. Children will definitely take you there - a place we don't like to visit because it reveals our weakness, our mess, our flaws, our shortcomings, our sins, plus a few other undisclosed issues
Disclosing my old nature fueled first-born's attitude more, therefore, in our best interest, the math session was over. I told him we needed to separate before I hurt him - yes, I allowed myself to get that angry - I went there.
In order to regain my composure and my peace, I had to do some ABC homework of my own.
A - admit my mess
B - be honest - yep, I lost it and went there.
C - confess my mess - look in the mirror.
D - deal with my mess - pray about it, get over it, and move on...to a better place -mentally.
After my son and I both calmed down, I realized that ugly moment wasn't about him, but God showing me some things about mySelf.
These are moments mothers rarely share - going there. There reminds us that we haven't completed our lessons in compassion, understanding, patience, and a few other mandatory subjects.
Today is a new day and I have a new attitude. I'm glad God isn't finished with me yet, but today, we've got math to finish. Today is another opportunity to work on not going there.
Do you ever go there?