Meeting the Porcelain

 I thought I'd share one of the most humbling experiences I endured in 2011. It wasn't a difficult relationship, financial woes, or my health issues, but it was the call of the big porcelain container - a public toilet. 

I probably have some of the strongest thigh muscles among women. I NEVER sit on public toilets - NEVER! I stoop with complete control from many years of experience. If my call to the porcelain container calls for more serious relief, I'll wait until I get home.

Weeell, during a short stay in the hospital, I had to use the restroom. I was just rolled into my room straight out of surgery and I had to go - badly. I felt strong enough to hold onto my IV roller and meet the porcelain container on my own, but the nurse refused. She helped me in the bathroom and she told me to take it easy and sit slowly.

Me: "Oh, I'm not going to sit down, I'm going to stoop."

Nurse: "No, you need to sit down!"

Me: "No really, I'm okay."

Nurse: "You really need to sit down, and we need to catch and measure your urine."

Me:  Experiencing overwhelming anxiety - "Is it clean?"

Nurse: Shocked that I would ask - "YES!"

I hesitated and slowly allowed my bare behind to meet the porcelain. I can't remember the last time I did this, but I was humbled and quite concerned about the germs attaching themselves to me. GROSS! Oh my God, help me!  Auuuuugh!  GROSS!  Why must I endure this!  This isn't happening! Heeeeeelp!!!

I finished my business, washed my hands thoroughly, and came out of the bathroom - pissed, yet relieved.  I told my mother, my sister, my husband, and my two sons who later came into my room and I cried out...."She made me sit on the toilet!  I'll never forget her! She made me sit on the toilet!" Of course I had to use the bathroom every hour thereafter, so I had to meet the porcelain on a regular basis. Good grief!  It was a challenge, but I did it. I survived! I'm still here and if you're wondering if I'll start meeting the porcelain on a regular basis, I must be honest and tell the truth....ABSOLUTELY NOT! I WILL CONTINUE TO STOOP!

Not the actual toilet; this is a copyrighted Internet picture